Nether Regions by Randal Graham

Author:Randal Graham
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ECW Press
Published: 2022-08-20T00:00:00+00:00

2 Readers who’ve come to this point in the narrative may object to plenty of things, and in particular they might object that Abe, who we’ve seen on many occasions, has two legs. These readers are wrong. In fact he has fifteen. Like anyone who leads a sufficiently adventurous life for many thousands of years, Abe has had his share of accidents. Several of these have resulted in some form of dismemberment. This world being Detroit, Abe’s legs grew back — that is, a new leg formed where the old one had been attached. And Abe being Abe, the public wanted to save any dismembered bits of the beloved Mayor as important relics. Eight of Abe’s former legs are stored in formaldehyde in Detroit-based museums, as are four of his former hands, an old hip, and a bit of tummy fat he had removed a few years back.

3 In the mortal world, these devices — things that allow you to roll under other things while gazing upward — are known as “creepers.” Look it up. The people of Detroit instead settled on “one of those little rolling devices mechanics use to get under cars.”

4 Elvis Presley was, of course, not to be found in Detroit. This wasn’t because of the widely held and palpably false belief that he’d never shuffled off the mortal coil, but rather because he’d been reincarnated in the form of Taylor Swift.

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